So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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