I accidentally burped into my bong.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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