Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize