he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
