Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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