girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
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