ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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