I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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