Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
