My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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