Pants 0. Shit 1.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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