im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
