I wish life had little blips of pornography
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize