No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
