im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
