I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
