Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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