we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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