You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
