I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
