so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Your cock deserves a montage
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
