Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
