I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
