What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
