were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
