can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
