why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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