I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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