Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
