I think i sorta joined a cult last night
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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