You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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