My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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