Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
