god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
