he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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