I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
