literally had 100 drinks last night.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
