i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
