We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
