In the future we'll all be gay
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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