I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i think my tv is drunk
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
