Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
