you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
