i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
