FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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