I met the friendliest cop last night
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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