She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
