my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
