pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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