you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
