Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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