do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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