I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
