i think my tv is drunk
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
