i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
