I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
