When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
