I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
