you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
