I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize