this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
