Heybabeimwearingurpanties
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
