My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You were trust falling into bushes
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
