these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
