1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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