if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
