I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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