You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
So much Jack, so little girl.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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