a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
