one might say we're banned from that church
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
