5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
