I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
