worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize