If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Randomize
