A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I need water and some morals
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
