i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
