my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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