Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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