Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
