I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
