i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
