oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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