Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
