He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
