Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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