i wish starbucks made bloody marys
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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