he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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