then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
