Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
