Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I haven't been this sober since birth.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
