I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
