So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
