did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
too bad you live with your parents still
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
